The Can-Opener Crisis: A Cautionary Tale of Rust, Rage, and Regression By Alex Gutierrez About a year ago, I embarked on what I now refer to as my Can Opener Period . Some people go through a Picasso Blue phase. I went through a jagged, metallic, rage-inducing quest for the Holy Grail of kitchen tools: a good electric can opener. It all started innocently enough. I thought, I’m an adult. I deserve luxury. I deserve automation. I deserve to open a can of soup without risking tendonitis. So I shelled out $40 for the Cuisinart Deluxe Electric Can Opener, a shiny monument to modern convenience. It looked the part sleek, modern, smug. But , it was disappointing from the start. It broke after one month . Naturally, I assumed this was a fluke. Clearly, the Deluxe must have been last year’s model. Maybe it was made during Mercury retrograde. So I upped the ante and got a Kenmore for $45. Surely this would be my forever opener. Nope. Three months in, it too was dead. Not with a ...